On The Verge of Tears

**Warning - This is going to be a bunch of unorganized thoughts and not uplifting at all!!

I feel like I am on the verge of tears pretty much all the time! I am not in my usual Christmas spirit. Here's why I think that is ~

I just went to the store to purchase gifts for a needy child. My group of friends "adopted" a family with 7 children for Thanksgiving and Christmas. The story is the mom works but just can't do it all!! She is trying! Anyway there are 7 of us so we each are buying for one child. We set a limit of $30. My girl is 12. Her wish list includes a coat, socks and underwear. That just tears me up!! I honestly thought I was going to have a breakdown in the store. A coat. My kids argue with me to wear the coats they have!! Socks. Underwear. So simple and basic to me, but to this 12 year old girl, they are wish list items. Breaks. My. Heart. I mean I feel like someone is standing on my chest right now as I type this. I did not get her a coat because that would have put me over my limit. She also need clothes. That's what I went with.

All I really want for Christmas is to talk to my mom. On the phone. In person. I don't really care. I just want to talk to her. To hear her voice.

I am homesick. Not for the house or town I grew up in. But my 12 year old self. When I just thought life was hard. You know when my biggest worries included what I was going to wear or if a certain boy would talk to me. Now I worry about so much more. The obvious common things. Children, Dad, sisters, other family members, friends, money, finding a job next year. About people and families I don't even know.

Okay. No longer on the verge of tears. I am actually crying. Maybe this post will prove to be cathartic.

I will end on a lighter note - at the store Sam told me he loved to bother me!! At least he's honest.