Saying Good-Bye

I have started this post in my head about 1,000 times. I am really not sure that I can organize my thoughts enough to be anywhere close to coherent, but I will give it a try.

Needless to say, losing my mother has been very difficult. First the diagonosis of cancer and the realization that nothing could be done - no surgery and only experimental treatments (my mother was unable to tolerate these). Then the waiting and trying to spend as much time with her as possible which was especially hard for me since I live over 8 hours away. And finally the end, when watching, was almost unbearable.

I do thank God that she is no longer in pain and that is a great relief; however, I know that the days, weeks, and months ahead will be hard. It is odd to think of my life without my mom. She was always there. I talked to her everyday on the phone. Usually just to check in, but in the last several years, sharing stories of Sophie and Sam. She adored them.

Thank you to everyone who has prayed for my family. We felt wrapped in prayer. The outpouring of love has been wonderful. So many people have sent cards, emails, and food (so much food). We have also received a coutless number of phone calls. Many family and friends took days off work and drove many miles and hours to come to the visitation and funeral. It was heartwarming to see the faces of the people who loved my mother and those who just wanted to be there to support my dad, sisters, and myself. My appreciation is immense.

Saying good-bye is the hardest thing I have ever done. I will miss my mom every day. I only hope I can mother my children as well as she parented my sisters and me. She was a strong woman whose love and compassion for others was obvious. I will forever be proud that I am her daugther.